| T H U R S D A Y, J U L Y 13, 2 0 0 6
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Drive-by Reappraisal Victims Update
  Today is Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane's long-awaited landmark hearing at the Hamilton County Auditor's Board of Revulsion after the Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor's "certifiable" appraiser got caught trying to justify the Auditor's bogus 41% computer-generated appraisal.
To mark the occasion, the Auditor's office has announced a new policy to demonstrate how sympathetic they are to victims of drive-by reappraisals. No longer will the victim have to take his attorney and his real estate appraiser downtown to the Auditor's Board of Revulsion, located inside the foreboding Auditor's office to face the Auditor's hand-picked panel, where all of the victim's evidence will be summarily ignored. Instead, victims of drive-by reappraisals can now use the new drive-by window at the Hamilton County Administration Building at the time of the hearing and pick up the Board of Revulsion's computer-generated ruling, which had been prepared at the time of the reappraisal. Now, if the victim's attorney could only drop off his subpoena list to the Board of Tax Appeals at the same time, that would be really convenient!
Meanwhile, Whistleblower Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says when the National League lost the All Star Game in the ninth inning, everybody wondered which one of the Reds pitchers blew it.
How ironic is it that Judge Meddle is now hearing the Kabaka Oba trial, where WLW Trash talker Bill Cunningham upstaged Meddle on the cameras Tuesday? Perhaps the Judge will want to know if the accused ever went swimming in the Wyoming pool.
Some disgraceful Artis Conception wannabee took our award-winning illustrator’s latest spoof of Judge Meddle’s relationship with “Doc Savage”and damsel in distress Vicki Zwissler and pasted the faces of clubinistas Debbi Bellman and Jo Potvin on the bodies of the ghouls chasing the hapless duo. Is nothing sacred? That comes as close to sacrilege as anything we’ve ever seen.
Speaking of swimming pools, the 173 children and 500 residents of English Woods have not been able to enjoy their community pool the entire summer, since the so-called Cincinnati Recreation Commission hasn't seen fit to open it, despite protests from Rev. Walter Jones, President of the English Woods Civic Association.
Those Paul Reveres on Motorcycles coming directly from Denver to warn us about the illegal alien invasion are in Lansing, Michigan today. If somebody's planning to send out a media advisory on where Friday's big rally in Cincinnati will be, now would be a good time.
And congratulations to Kevin O'Brien, who was the Designated Doofus at Tuesday night's Anderson Township GOP meeting. Whacky Jackie O'Brien's illegitimate son got up and made a total ass of himself, and not a single person was surprised.
Mean Jean Schmidt says everybody's invited to the Anderson Government Center Saturday morning at 11 AM for her over-taxed payer funded campaign appearance. Protesters may call TLB's phone boy Nick Owens at 791-0381 to reserve front-row seats.
And with their 50th Reunion for the Forrest Gump High School Class of 1956 coming up in only 72 more days, one of the committee planning the event checked with the Anderson Township Historical Society, where ATHS spokesman Clough Corbly said their records didn't go back that far.
And is it a mere coincidence that Mean jean's Eviler Twin Sister Jennifer Black has not been seen since that house was picked up in Goshen and dropped on the other side of the street?
Speaking of witches, down at Cincinnati City Hall, RINO Remover found out how Ghizzy Lizzy is spending her time away from Clown-cil.
What, no murders in Cincinnati since the Fifth of July? That would mean our Official 2006 Whistleblower/ Smith & Wesson Murder Count is stuck on "45." Which is coincidentally the same number of press conferences TV Coroner O'Dell Owens has called this week.
Don't forget, Hamilton County Recycling Services will be offering their FREE 2006 computer recycling event on Saturday and Sunday. Check out the details here.
Bluegrass Boondoggles
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says if Congressmen Goof Doofus and Steve Chabothead have to go to a bridge to discuss bridge funding, does that mean they have to go to Baghdad to discuss the war?
The Camboozler also says he made an embarrassing phone call yesterday, for which he cannot apologize enough. It went something like this:
“Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Steve."
After a brief pause, CamBoo said, "But honey, you don't have an Uncle Steve."
"Oh yes I do, Daddy, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause...
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do," CamBoo explained.
"Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay, Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy."
"And what happened, honey?" CamBoo asked.
"Well, Daddy, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!" CamBoo exclaimed. "What about your Uncle Steve?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool
and I think he's dead."
Long pause...
Longer pause...
Even longer pause....
Then CamBoo said, "Swimming pool? Are you sure this is the CamBoo residence?"
CLICK!
 Today's edition is brought to you by a generous donation from the Auditor’s Board of Revulsion, hand-picked stooges one and all.
 See some of the best local newslinks (as well as today’s Blower)
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