| T U E S D A Y, J U L Y 11, 2 0 0 6
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| T H E R E A L E S T A T E C E N T E R
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 Real e-Mails From Real Subscribers
 Should we announce our decision on Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane's drive-by reappraisal complaint today, or should we wait for his Landmark Hearing on Thursday? --The Disingenuous DemocRAT Auditor's Board of Revulsion
Our house in Anderson, with a septic tank and three bedrooms, was compared to homes with four bedrooms that were 15 years newer. We're still waiting for our appointment with the auditor, and we haven't heard anything since we filed our complaint. --Another Angry Andersonian
Maybe that's why the official county website still shows all those designees with their terms expired and even says the date the web page was last edited was July 13, 2005. --Your Courthouse Snitch
 With over-taxed payers leaving the county at a record rate, the reason we don't complain about victims of the Auditor's Drive-By Re-appraisals is because we need all the money the Auditor generates to cover our wasteful spending. --Hamilton County Elected Officials
Please don't ask why we didn't even look for an opponent to run against our Disingenuous DemocRAT Auditor. --Temporary Hamilton County GOP Chairman George Vincent
Will the Board of Revulsion be posting the time and place of the hearing on Kane's complaint so we can monitor the proceedings? --Mothers Against Drive-by Reappraisals
The reason we want to have our 50th Reunion planning meeting at Kane's house next week is so we can see the place before it falls down. --Forrest Gump Class of 1956
Please don't ask if the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools cuts back on building new schools means your property taxes will also be cut to reflect the savings. --Mrs. Buckwheat
What did you say was the Official Whistleblower/ Smith & Wesson Murder Count in Cincinnati these days? We lost count. --Feckless Fishwrappers
Did you see that new website where they're trying to impeach my brother? --Cincinnati Girly Man Mayor Mark Mallory
When will Artis Conception be publishing his comic book showing our Superhero Mayor "Doc" Savage battling evil Judge Meddel over the Wyoming Swimming Pool? --The Rich, Pasty-white, God-fearing Privileged People of Wyoming
Don't forget, Friday's the day we'll be coming through Cincinnati to warn everybody about the alien invasion. Now if somebody would only arrange a event and invite the news media, we might even make a big damn deal about it. --Paul Reveres on Motorcycles
Please don't ask how much over-taxed payers' money was spent to publicize my phony-baloney Town Hall Meeting at the Anderson Government Center on Saturday. --Mean Jean Schmidt
Don't forget on Saturday and Sunday, you can bring in your old computers to be recycled. --Hamilton County Environmental Services
Stop the presses. Today's the day when People Magazine's 2006 Shortest Man Alive Issue hits the streets. --Ken CamBoo
How come we don't have more Reds players on the All-Star Team? --TV 19 News
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 The reason for some people's entire existence is to whine about having their feelings hurt, and we're doing our best to accommodate them.
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Disclaimer: This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental,
especially Disingenuous DemocRAT Auditors.
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